False Alarm of the Day:  In light of an explosion of news stories about cannibalism over the past week, the Centers for Disease Control have issued a statement reassuring us that zombies are not real, and we can go about our business without fear of a zombie apocalypse. People eating each other’s body parts due to the effects of synthetic drugs, on the other hand …

The CDC told the Huffington Post that “CDC does not know of a virus or condition that would reanimate the dead (or one that would present zombie-like symptoms).”

Well, that’s reassuring, coming from the same agency that has a detailed webpage about zombie apocalypse preparedness.

If anyone needs me, I’ll be in my bunker.

[gawker]